Im a failure

That is all I hear at home.
Its true too. I am 19 years old and I am a freaking loser.
I don't really have a job.
I have no money.
What I do have is Joy.
Though I don't show it enough.
I do not have to die and go to hell.
I need to show Joy even through struggle.
I need to lay my burden at Jesus' feet
If he can shed his blood Why haven't I shed my guilt?

God please help me.
God thank you
I am blessed

this is for Larissa

You know what?
Id give you my tears
So those pretty eyes wouldn't have to sting
Thanks does not feel good enough.
I don't think anything would be good enough to compensate
Thanks for starting a fire of inspiration
That I had long since stomped out
You gave me what I had thrown away more than two years ago
Maybe when I threw it out you picked it up and kept it tucked away.
And when our paths crossed you might have recognized it through my smile
You cut me deep, and you gave back a piece of my heart that I was sure I had lost

Thank you Larissa.
There is so much in my head running around so fast.
I am glad you are You