Biggest post in a while. :)

I haven't had vertigo through this struggle which I find incredibly odd.
Usually when I go through something tough..and this has been by far the toughest thing Ive gone through. and I would say Ive been through a lot in my short time on this planet. Anyway. Something would usually throw me into a bout of vertigo. which is basically an uncontrollable dizziness that is caused by an imbalance of chemicals in your ears I think. I don't know if I get the actual condition but I know for sure I have the symptoms. None so far.

I was definitely surprised it didn't happen at the meeting. I smiled too. and it was real and free of awkwardness. I hope it was the same for you.
Your post's recently have made me smile as well.
You also told me today you have High hopes. Myself as well.
I hope you still have my tags. Keep them to remind yourself.

Days are getting somewhat easier. I never want to sleep though. as tired as I may feel from being depressed or whatever. I just don't want to sleep cause I am sure I am attacked throughout the night. cause I wake up sad, confused and hopeless. and I just hate it. I dread it. I pray pretty hard before I go to sleep too.

I read Colossians today, it was good real good.. I need to read more. I don't even know where to start so I am just gonna start opening up and reading whatever is there.

Its time to move forward. time to heal.
I want to get back around my people soon. I don't like being alone or stuck in Lee's Summit for that matter.
Need to write.
Tore some pages out of my moleskine. nothing against you or anyone else. just needed to get some stuff out. I saved 1 page if you want it its up for grabs. other than that. needed to get some stuff out of there.
I finally found out what I wanted written on the blank patch i sewed onto my moleskine.
CREATE
simple. necessary.
Almost ready to mark out the "Peace on Earth, War in my Mind" quote from the inside cover as well. I took the upside down peace symbol from my key chain.

I don't want to be gone from bible study for too long. I am afraid this is gonna be another lonely summer..like last year. When I quit weight of glory and nobody hung out with me for that long while. I thought I lost everything. although I haven't necessarily lost anyone. I still fear the summer will be lonely.
Lord heal us.

(I think I sound like a tool. but I know you don't think I am.)
ah.. Guess I am just rambling on.
Goodnight.
I Love You.
Andrew Stewart.