I think.

You stopped reading this.

Work isn't terrible..complicated. but apparently I will get used to it. I imagined things different. I imagined laying my head somewhere else. But I make the long drives to and from. they are not good.

I fear... that this is it.

Thats the problem. I fear.
I am scared.

I spent a lot of time in a park thursday night. by myself. crying. crying out to God. I'm alone too much.
I think I need a babe.

I had a facebook status updated saying

Andy Stewart: wants to heal
and a friend of mine. a younger kid who obviously looks up to me. sends me a message saying
Subject: I
Body: want to be healed.

When I wrote that status update. I was talking about how I want to heal from this and I don't want to hurt anymore. How selfish am I? seriously. I think about it and weep. I mean I know I am in pain. no doubt about that.
I read it and did not know how to reply. until this.

"Hey man, I'm Praying for you. Just know we are all broke. and incomplete. the only thing that can complete us is Jesus Christ, just know that.

I am so broken. bleeding, beaten down, bruised, I am hurting.
Hang on to the Cross, its all we can do.
Just hang on"

I sent him that.
He replied and thanked me.
I felt maybe a speckle of joy. I didn't think I could shine God's light or inspire anyone in my struggles. that just shows my lack of faith. God is much bigger than my struggles. I need to hang on and keep praying.
I also need to be loved. just sayin

Hang on
Hold Fast
Be strong
Fear Not
Love all

Pray
Without
Ceasing

I wish someone would hug me, pray with me, let me cry on their shoulder and just Love me.

I sound like a baby. but I really do need that.

This is starting to hurt too much

i love You
and you.
Andy Stewart.